Tuesday, December 23, 2008

'Tis the Season

Yes so life has gotten in the way of me writing or perhaps I should blame it specifically on work and the long hours and lack of sleep or perhaps that I've been neglecting my dogs and walking them so if I were to accomplish something after work it would be a walk with Han and Chewie or that it is now officially smack in the middle of the holidays and I'm so busy buying and wrapping presents and visiting friends and family; alas it doesn't matter what I put they are all excuses.

The holidays for most of my life, have encompassed my birthday (two weeks before Christmas) and Christmas. Now that I have a husband and said husband celebrates Hanukkah I've added the Festival of Lights to my definition, along with a wedding anniversary a week after New Year's Day. This time of year always seems to be like a hyped-up four year old cracked-out on red and green M&Ms compared to the rest of the year. Plans and presents and parties and going and coming and wrapping and decorating and cooking and baking and so on, non-stop until the drunken culmination of New Year's Eve.

For me, this time of year has been a yin and yang or competing opposites of joy and excitement with disappointment and checked expectations. The holidays represent or are reminders of loss for many of us; loved ones that have passed or even a shitty situation that happen to occur near a holiday seems to serve as an annual reminder of that pain. This year has been tough and as I sit alone in an empty room it's hard to feel jolly and remember why this time of year can also be great. (I said hard, not impossible!)

As I look ahead to the coming days, I know I'll be surrounded by people who love and accept me, even when I am a complete pain in the ass and for that I am grateful. I know I'll continue family traditions and maybe even create some new ones. I know my father will cook his freaking awesome potatoes Christmas morning and I'll eat too many like I always do. I'm pretty sure my sisters will fight about something at some point on Christmas Day. I know my mom's turkey will rock and I'll sit inebriated and full with a stupid grin on my face after dinner.

I think of the approaching "new year" and recognize all the cliches, but am grateful for something fresh and new. It's a an opportunity to change and use something as trivial as the year changing from '08 to '09 as cause and reason to shed your skin, to emerge anew. Maybe this year you'll tackle that project or face a fear or finally allow yourself or someone else to be happy, whatever it is, it's there ready and different and waiting.

If there is anything I hope for myself this coming year it is that I don't live by excuses, that I am true to my wants and dreams; that happiness outweighs sadness; laughter overcomes tears; that I am fulfilled, engaged and challenged; that my ability to understand, empathize and listen grows; my relationships are enriched and I can live up to my own expectations.

Happy happy, merry merry to all and to all a good night!