A Room of One's Own

I am feeling a bit Virginia Woolf-esque today and will try to keep up with the thoughts as they seemingly skip out of my head like stones bouncing across water. I've been having really dark/strange dreams recently. Not every night, but more often than usual. I have this one recurring dream set up like a bad horror film; desolate and dark small town, it's night and I am running away from a hand that is sticking up through the dirt. A hand isn't exactly terrifying, but this hand has Wolverine style instruments extending from the fingers. After running for what seems like forever, I inevitably can't move, I am stuck and the scene usually ends in what reminds me of a high school bathroom; grimy floors, multiple stalls and a never pleasant stench. The hand breaks and chips its way through the tile floor as I curl and cover my head; the tiles crumpling and chipping shooting dust into the air. The hand shoots upward and sometimes I come face to face with my chaser, sometimes not, but if I do, I see my father's face. How f-ed up is that?

A new one I've experienced this week is very Alice in Wonderland. It consists of flashes of color; gold and silver and reds and me falling through darkness. I find myself in a dark room that feels as though it is underground, deep inside in the earth. I am walking, almost floating towards a round table. I see hideous things and intuitively I know each thing, each one represents Dante's vision of the the 7 circles of Hell. I am compelled to sit down and I turn to see my brain's manifestation of Ianna, generally speaking a Sumerian goddess, the earth mother and she places her hand on my shoulder. The touch is warm and safe and reassuring and like most scenes in a dream I instantly can understand and feel myself linked to women across history, across the universe. She kisses my forehead. I wake up smiling and as if just embraced.

I don't pretend to know or understand what any of that means. I believe the subconscious needs to work things out; whether that means unspoken desires, daily frustrations or just strange random things based on experiences or memories from the past. When I have vivid dreams as such I always wish I was more artistic and could capture a scene via some paint and a brush. Alas I am not.

Dreams are strange indeed. Can you a imagine if the whole "no rules" environments and scenarios that play out in dreams applied in reality? Could you imagine a world where people just said what was on their mind or acted out fantasies or desires? Good and bad mind you...chaos! I suppose that's why some dreams can be so scary and regardless of how good or bad a dream is, why it's necessary to wake up.

Enjoy the Silence

Silence. This can be a powerful thing indeed. It can demonstrate a deliberate moment of respect or remembrance or be used as a form of protest. As a recruiter, it can be used as a conversation tool to elicit more information from a candidate. Quiet moments oftentimes equate into a fleeting moment of relaxation or rest. It quite frequently will make some people very uncomfortable in a group setting. Moments of silence can feel like eternities and make the air heavy with words and feelings unspoken.

Silence is probably one of the, if not the greatest of all oxymorons. Environmentally or externally you might be engulfed in silence, but it can be described as thunderous. While enjoying the silence, internally it is quite often a different scene. Thoughts can race and shout in your head. Memories can dance vividly in your mind’s eye all while supposedly enjoying the silence. It takes much practice and effort to be able to seriously quiet your soul and mind and is typically achieved through meditation of sorts. Even now as I struggle to find words to convey what jumbled in my head the soft sounds of Depeche Mode’s song “Enjoy the Silence” is playing on a relentless loop in my head.

Words like violence, break the silence…

All I ever wanted, all I ever needed is here in my arms…

With a song stuck in my head I doubt I’ll ever achieve complete and total silence, but I am willing to try. Here’s to complete silence and peaceful moments!